littlecirkus: go to bed :)
Dreamychic1314: i will soon
Dreamychic1314: im muy tired
littlecirkus: listen and listen good :
Dreamychic1314: k??

littlecirkus: a golden woman, with golden snakes exploding from her head - tied back by a black ribbon, in a crimson, satin bustier and a flowing dress walks towards you.

Dreamychic1314: ok....

littlecirkus: Her Blue eyes shine brightly from behind a veil of smoke and she walks towards and offers you a black, gloved hand.
littlecirkus: nervously you take it, and walk to the floor and begin to spin , to dance.

Dreamychic1314: sounds very nice
Dreamychic1314: then what?

littlecirkus: Her body is hot against you, and in your mind, lusty thoughts bloom.
littlecirkus: She is the sun, you are the earth.

Dreamychic1314: ohhh
littlecirkus: In circles you travel, spreading life, love, and merriment.
littlecirkus: It is spring

first, the news. Man kills man, blaims god, and people complain about indians, the new green eyed menace. Get over it. Really. The jobs are going over seas because you have created a society that merely pays lip service to the education system, that lets people get by with the bare minimum, that doesn't forgive mistakes and doesn't encourage recovery. Once you fall, they'll keep you down, and when they fall, a new "class" will form just to keep you separate, with out companions. I am a service rep for a major company. may job is to pay lip service to customers and make them feel good about their choices. The news plays lip service to serious news stories but always ends with a warm and fuzzy puppy, or a pig that "dance'. And the government has become little better that a soap opera set on a stage full of antique furniture and old buildings, in a far off land. it's like star wars, only without the lasers -for now. It makes me sick. I walk away from work tired and sore and feeling like a conman.

Katie replied to my vent letter to her and i feel alot better about us, well, about the future of our friendship. I also feel much better about life in general. i'm not back to my normal 110% yet, but the perkiness batteries take a lot of charging.

So i am tired. I am bitter. I am uncooth. but i am sarah mclachlan song "fear". Woo - hoo.

You are Fear
You are embarking on exciting new opportunities and relationships but your insecurities and feelings of self-doubt are totally consuming you. You just need to chill out and enjoy the moment!

Which Sarah McLachlan Song Are You?
Created by Noor

i think a storm is coming, coming to clear the filth of the streets, to wash the foliage of it's dirt, the landscape of it's winter. i hope for lightning. I yearn for a warm rain. I yearn for her lips.

I still feel her skin beneath my finger tips, they remember her curves, the feel of her stomach, her back, her feet, her neck, her cheek. I feel like an amputee who can still feel her toes after her foot was long ago discarded. I guess it will grow better with time, as the memories fade, as she changes from a person to a shadow, and from a shadow to just a warm spot in my heart. But i still don't want to lose her, even though it's done.

i told my self once that wouldn't go back, never go back, and that's what made finishing it so easy with Angel, but i don't feel the same way about Katie. She's my first. She was my first sweet heart. I'm not ready to switch brands.

so i am upbeat. Not about life, or love, but about the beat. thump. thud. thump. I like beats. Not beets, which are gross and only good for dying cloth.

Gary Jules
Title: Mad World

Today i took the plunge. I have put my feet in the water and it is nice. I put the Knoppix cd in my computer and run Linux for the first time. It's sleek and refined and so smooth.It sent shivers up my spine. It's so different, but it's still so very much the same. I like it. I like it alot. if it wasn't for the fact that i need to stay familiar with Windows, i'd format the drive right now and install fresh. /computerese

the road to valhalla is a long one. You can't just ask the angels to carry you.

The door to valhalla won't just open with a wink and a nod, but you have to shove a little too.

so too is a womans heart. You have to admit your faults and let them strike. and it happens too. even when they don't mean to. a dagger to the heart, as only a lover can.

This isn't an attack from a disgruntled employee or the over blown story of board member trying to avoid blaim, none will be found for either of us.

It's over though. she told me tonight that she loves me as a friend, as she said goodbye, and she said that it was because i didn't understand what she ment by an open relationship. the open relationship was in june, when i was gone. i remember that well. that was when this rotten clam bake began.

i was drinking cider, looking into her deep blue eyes, and it hit me. i fell to the rocks below. and there i stayed for the longest time, broken and bleeding. THen i reached up, and she grapst my hand and i started to climb up to her. but i grabbed a bit of loose rock again. and i fell again. And i tried to climb again, and again and again.

so it's time to move on, to other shores, to other peaks, to vistas unseen. no more climbing for me, the landscape is haunted with past conquerors, great scars where armies had fought.

I miss her already, and i haven't even told her.