/the dark cow of mystery\ "An Italian Mobster Shoots A Lobster" I think. That's all that i have to say. I think.
/the dark cow of mystery\ I'm in love with a girl with knives. I have two cats, one a nuetered rapist with blue eyes, the other a sweet kitty with two yellow suns. I am an elitist, so says either Madison or Annika, though they each blame the other for saying it. I have discovered the beauty of Republican Mind control. Angel has knives, and swords, and other blades which i fear she may use to pierce my flesh. That would suck. But what i really fear more is Alisha, the psuedo lesbian who it turns out has a little thing for Angel. Birds tell me that she is quite angry that i stole Angel from her, though Angel is number one free, and number two was never involved with Alisha besides friends. Great. WHen did woman become vindictive? Simon, the once adoring, now ignoring, cat now has a friend, named friendly. Simon once seemed a sweet cat, but now that he has a fellow, all he does is climb on top of poor Friendly, and attempts to do the dirty deed, of course ignoring the fact that friendly is a boy and simon in nuetered. Finally tonight, i have been graced with the title of Elitist. THough chock full of bad connotations, i believe my friends bestowed it upon me becasue of my vast intellect and dashing charm;) and thus i believe my friends to that much more beneath me for their belief that i don't already know that i am that incredibly superior. Actually, they bestowed it on me because of my negative humour which picks at the flaws in even the most perfect forms(like don't even get me started on J.J. :P). Oh well... "I'm not smart, you're just that stupid, oh wait, i am that smart, but don't worry, you're still that stupid"-angel(in mocking)
/the dark cow of mystery\ Oi! Vat a Day! It began low, with scheming plans to bring about another's escape from capitivity. Then it climd to a crouching position walking for seemingly endless miles. Finally it came to a high point with a hug, handshake, and um, ya. Then it got low. The bird flow back into the cage to keep the cage from being locked without her. The escape was flawless. The time was near wellspent. And it all went off without a hitch, right up until my sister told her mother that we went for a walk. It was all innocent, of course, and she didn't mean to jeopardize anything, but Angel's mom wasn't entirely pleased(if at all). Oh well, angel called later to invite me to the park with the fam, her mothers idea too. Sweet. But i couldn't, because i had already been out, so instead she came here and i showed her my her my "ameoba", my evergrowing playlist of barely legal music. In all, a good day, and it definitely put the weekend in a positive light. So that was the way the day forever will went. The future, however, has changed again. My father has decided that i am walking. I could really less if i did it or not, and he is insistant, so i am doing it now. It really doesn't mean much besides i'll have to spend more time with my beloved class and i won't have a new hawk as early as i wanted, oh well though, because the walk means gift, and i sure like presents! And now for the soapbox bit of my neverending entry. I am sick and fucking tired of Kathleen Parker. She, for those of you that don't know, an editoral writer with the Florida Sentinel that the Salt Lake Tribune runs. I hate her and her bigoted, republican, my way or the highway writings. I don't really hate her for her republican values, because it's as much her right to agree with those principles as it is for me to disagree with them. Rather, i hate her bigoted rants about how the black community is the source of americas decline, attributing the growth of hiphop and the rising popularity of the bump&grind to the corruption of the american ideal. Change is not corrupt, besides, linoleum is also of African-American origin, as is jazz and swing and countless other cherished american products and ideas and social trends. And her article today denouncing Michael Moore speaking his piece is for shyte. OF course he was going to say something contraversial, why else do you think he was chosen? It was his right, and he used it. You can't attack a wo/man for using his ->RIGHTS<-, and that's what she is doing. America is a place of supposed tolerance, but Kathleen Parker only teaches intolerance. Oh well, satan still loves you.
/the dark cow of mystery\ I went running at Eleven o'clock last night. It was cold, and miserable, like my mood at the time, and clear and black like onyx. the sky was haze free and it was rimmed with fluffy, icy clouds that follow snowstorms. It relaxed me like no other. I feel better now, not so negative, though not quite positive yet. All i can say is i need a hug. A long, deep, big bear hug. And to know your favorite dictator... "This world is freezing cold
/the dark cow of mystery\ I feel sad. I feel alone. My mother says no to small requests. She won't let me drive, though i drive well now. She won't let me go for walks alone, always wanting to go with me. She won't let me talk on the phone to people who i enjoy talking to, giving me only ten minutes. She makes me argue to be let out of the house, alone or otherwise. I hate it it. Her answer is always no, and her reasons are always "because i said so". I'm Seventeen. In three months, i'll be eighteen. I don't do drugs. I don't steal. I don't drink. I don't impregnate people. What more can i do? I just want to a person with choices, but i have none. I spent two years trying to escape Midvale, only to find their alternative to be worse. I'm tired of being a lost wreck surrounded by seemingly wellsteered bastards. I want to find out what i believe, not what i'm told to. I'm officially whining. I'm crying. I'm screaming. Behind each eye is a grinning demon dripping withblood, ready strike. I'm tired of living here, getting yelled at for not doing my fucking spanish when i'm doing my god damned math. I need peace from all of my family, but all escapes are constantly blocked. Patrick Henry said "give me liberty or give me death". All i say is "I'll be back by seven". I don't want perfection, just occassionally solitude from the chaos that is family life. I just want to make some choices without having to defend them. I just want my opinion valued. I just want to be able to tell someone "shut up" and walk off to stalk a thought without someone following yelling "is something wrong?". What brought all this is a story that can only be told with images. But i have no patience right now, so instead i will just give you a synopsis. I was going to see the gal after school to hang out for two or three hours. That was all. No plans for a shag and a shave, just time together. But my mother said "i'd prefer not". I then asked him, and he said "Whatever your mother says" -like he always does now-. She then added a definitly no. I asked why and she said she didn't have to say. Fuck. A day spent dreaming of goofing off wasted, a dream shattered. It's not like i start homework before 7:30 anyway. Instead i ended up talking on the phone for hours, trying to calm down after the nth time she's done something like this. Ah fuck, it's over. You can go back to watching your war now.
/the dark cow of mystery\ "Fighting for peace is like fucking for virginity" I've had a bad evening. I had my usual nap, interupted, as usual, by a phone call. For once it was someone i didn't mind talking to, but it did ruin a pleasant dream about bloody chickens that ran a a restaurant.
/the dark cow of mystery\ If you are reading this, i need you to go to the guestbook and tell me who your favorite dictator of all time was.
/the dark cow of mystery\ More Fox News questions!: "sir, in regards to the recent photos of possible POW's, does the president prefer strawberry or grape jelly?" SO I AM OFFICIALLY A CRADLE ROBBER!!!!!!!!! So the war is going decently, with losses on both sides and the americans shooting down a Tornado, a british fighter. Of course the War Department -(the "defense department" doesn't seem fitting at this time)- denies all knowledge, but who are you going to believe? the brits or the americans? "i'm gonna be a cowboy, i'm born to be a cowboy, i want ta be a cowboy. A cowboy, aha" -lyrics by the vandals and butchered by myself.
/the dark cow of mystery\ First a note. The Fox News Network is a quality bunch of quality reporters that report qualified news in a quality manner, if of course you put the word "poor" before the word "quality". The following is the first in a series of questions that you just know the fine reporters at FOX are going to ask ARI Fleischer- "Sir, what is the president's position on the issue of if Saddam's nipples, does he have them or not? Please laugh, or at least ponder the issues raised by this posting.
/the dark cow of mystery\ When did war become a spectator sport? Why are the commentators and pundits talking endlessly, and how can they say so much without any news? They talk about apparent certainties, and they all look to me to be certainly transparent. Dan Rather sat behind his desk looking like an embalmed corpse and spoke of airplanes bombing targets. He repeatedly confused the F-117, a super modern fighter, the F-17, a plane i'm not sure exists, and the B-17, a propeller driven bomber used to pummel germany in WWII, and all the while he talked like an expert. Why can't they just shut up until they have something to say? They constantly talk about how the war is effecting the economy, but seem to ignore the fact that it is their coverage of the war, and not the war(or lack there of) itself that is driving the economy. Months of endless talk of an Osama in the desert drove the economy down. Talk of terrorists behind every bush drove travel down and killed airlines. Talk of France's insolence drove sales of French Fries and wine into the toilet. Too bad there's no real talk about the economy. Heaven forbid that might happen.
/the dark cow of mystery\ War. the dark cow of mystery I have seen the lights and they did dance upon the stage like drunken fools before a king. Their erie glow was a bright whitish blue and their after glow was orange like that of a fresh orange, straight from a tree. I didn't see where the lights came from(nor did i care), but while they were here i was transfixed by their beauty. They left as quickly as they appeared and left all who witnessed their beauty with a feeling of emptiness as one who wakes up to find a kidney missing. When they came, it was warm and bright, but in their stead was left darkness and bitter cold. But such is war.
/the dark cow of mystery\ Punch Drunk Loveor Kissing is better than Bitingmy life that was sad and pathetic has become the adventure/romance novel that it was always ment to be. Growing divisions among friends, shifting alliegences among enemies, and a girl who rides copilot. It's got all the makings of an Indiana Jones movie. Her name is Angel, and to her my name is Patrick. Not pat, not jojo, not even the reverent name Bowzer. Just Patrick. It's good to be just a simple being again. My fears of dying alone have fled, and in their place have come fears of children, not in the immediate future, but in the future. I don't know if this really makes sense, but it does to me, and to me that's all that counts. On Sunday, i went to annika's abode and did homework for an hour or so, and then we ransacked her house looking for spare change to use to go the movies. We found a dollar and eighty, and then her mom came home and gave us two more, giving us a total of more than enough to get in(our goal was the dollar movies) and we were off. I suggested visiting Angel, i had already told Annika that i was more than taken with her, and Annika agreed, letting her idle curiosity get the best of her, and we were off to dimple dell road. We stopped at her house and had umcomfortable moments with the father of the daughter, and then we were off to see "punch drunk love", a Sandler that was supposed to be off a higher caliber. It turned out to be of a definitly different caliber, not neccesarily a higher one, though, but i loved. I relate so well to the sandlers character in the movie, an emotionally unstable youngest brother of seven sisters, with a penchant for random violence and a nonexistant love life. I guess that i was about the only one who laughed at most of the scenes, but it was so absurdly funny and featured inbred crooks from utah which made it doubly good. Anywho, afterwards we drove to Annika's home and found out that she was supposed to be at a family dinner then, Angel and I just went driving on wasatch blvd. and visited Alisha, -the 'lesbian'-, who was just about to get into the hot tub with Scott Dolar when we arrived. Angel threw dog food at me and scott, and alisha, always the good hostess, talked on the phone to her boyfriend in illinios. Then we drove to angels house and sat in her driveway. We just sat and talked and eventually kissed. it was goodnight , in a sappy way, but all good things have to come to an end and this one did with a lonely drive home in the dark.
/the dark cow of mystery\ Ever have a scab that just won't heal because you keep picking at it? I know i do! hah. i made an offensive ass of my self to a friend last friday on the internet of all places,(i told her first that spring changes people for the better and she replied that i shouldn't ever post to her site again because i know nothing, and i wrote back "fuck off"), and now i find myself rereading my words over and over, and reading the replies from her apparent friends who know her no better than i that only further splinter the friendship. I haven't talk to her in days. It's odd walking in the halls past someone who ignores you. I walk by her and find a blnk spot in the activity of the world. Her eyes are hidden, her head often turned away as soon as she spies me. Then she stops moving, waiting for me to pass, like i'm a plague. In a way, though, i feel a bit better. Her comments to me off late have been little more than "shut up" and un spoken looks of retribution. One step to the future... Last night was spent fighting with the folks and consoling a friend and strangers at a birthday party of all places. The parents and i are suffering growing pains, the usual senior year shyte that most people go through. A Fight for dominance, or at least for some share in decisions, is the sum of last night's talk. Then Madison and Annika stopped by and tried admirably to bail me out, and failed miserably because of cowardice on all of our parts. In the end the parents relented and let me travel on dark roads on a pitch black night to find a friend's house i had never been to. I got there and found that her friends are the same sort of people i usually gravitate towards anyway. That's right, they were the Drama/Debate crowd. ....
/the dark cow of mystery\ Bites are a lot like kisses, in a way...
/the dark cow of mystery\ I was paid the greatest complement by an avowed lesbian this weekend. I was complaining about how all the girls i seem to be attracted to(dark, with inner strengh) turn out to be lesbians. She said she wasn't entirely lesbian. Her name was Alisha. Her friends name was Angel. They were at the juan diego Sadie Hawkins dance with a one Scott Dolar(a nice guy in need of a long, cold shower). I saw them again on sunday when we watched "die another day" and the dollar movies. All i can really say about them right now is that they rock.
/the dark cow of mystery\ Oh, "one more thing". "this is a song about a guy from the middle east, not the best human being in the world, but this guy is one of the finest dancers you will ever, ever see, ladies and gentleman. His name is Saddam Hussein. Great dancer, not a good human being. It's called the Hussein Skank."
/the dark cow of mystery\ I live in a plague house. Every one of my family, save my mother, has the flu. argh. More news of the cow include: My life plan has collapsed. actually, it exploded with a bright flash, like Sauron in Lord of the Rings. No money for college, graduation looking bleak as the spanish language grows even more foreign, missed deadlines, and no fucking job with which to remedy all ills. And to top my life off, my apparent lack of faith is questioned daily. Just because i feel that people who contradict the tenents of their own freely chosen faiths are worse than traitors my father feels that i hate all religions and all religious people. I just hate angry, bitter, mean priests who contradict there own bibles and abuse their power to get a free ride through life. I also hate people who do only what their church tells them to do without any thought about the "why"s of their actions and people who claim to do only what their church wants and then do it only when it suits their needs and ignores their church's teachings when it suits them. Damnit, religion is a way of bettering one's self. It's a path to a fuller understanding of your little world, and a vehicle to expand that world's horizons. it's not a tool for gains, though some may be had, and it's not a shield to hide behind when the world doesn't go your way. Religion is good, but hypocrasy is not. so where was i? Oh yeah, also, my nipples aren't even, and people want to see. I don't know what scares me more. "With you I stand in hope that god will save us from ourselves
/the dark cow of mystery\ I think that Stan Lee just might be the devil. How can anything else explain how his horrible comics have become more popular than Green Lantern? Do you even know who the green lantern is?
/the dark cow of mystery\ "It wasn't long before people from all over the world started coming to
our house to see the bottle. At first I thought that this would make me
more popular at school. Instead it seemed to have the opposite result.
Kids would stop and point at me in the hallway and say, "There's the boy
whose mother keeps our savior cooped up in that tiny little bottle." And
then everybody started calling me 'Bottle boy'. And that really hurt. It
was also around this time that Mom began to attract some really weird
followers. Like that guy who never used deodorant and spoke only in
riddles. And that woman who collected 19th century hand made Amish
swimwear."
/the dark cow of mystery\ A question perplexes me. Is Paul Hogan(crocodile dundee) in "Indiana Jones and the Raiders of the Lost Ark"? I saw it on tv tonight and in the scenes where the nazis are transporting the ark out of egypt by truck, there is a soldier who looks just like Hogan. Exactly like Hogan. He's the one that is last to attack Indie on the truck and is run over by said truck. I can't find any cast lists that have his name, but he doesn't have any speaking parts either, so this does not prove that he wasn't. argh. This reminds me of my search for the truth behind the origin of syphilis. I had been taught that Syphilus was the natives revenge on Chris Columbus back 1492, but then in an english class, i was told that in "The Canterbury Tales" one of the travelers is showing symptoms of the dredded disease. My research found that there was evidence of Syphilus in England in the 1200's, and also I found research that showed Syphilus began it's spread in Europe on the Iberian Peninsula(in portugal and spain) during the early 16th century. I hate uncertainties like this. It's not fair, i say, not fair at all.
/the dark cow of mystery\ A Contradiction
Together we are separate,
You are my brother,
In life, as in death,
/the dark cow of mystery\ It's a sad day in the Neighborhood. Mr Rogers died last night. The News said that he died of stomach cancer, but i believe he died of sadness. I believe that war killed him. War stabs at (wo)men of peace,cutting them to the bone with a rust blade. And talk of war smacks at them like electrified sponges. Yes, i believe it was the war, our great moral war, that killed him. Yesterday, Mr. Bush outline his vision for Iraq. A nation administered by the military, rebuilt by America, and democratized by him, personally. It is a nation were people are okay to be people. It looks good on paper, but at what cost. First we must seize control from a potentate who will stop at nothing to keep power. Then we must repair a country that was at war for ten years and was then neglected for ten more. Finally, we must instate a government that is more legitimate then the one that is there now, which is kinda tricky, being that our government will be created by the same means that there's is, by force. And of course, one can't forget that the last two major nations that were "democratized" with minor help from America, Russia and Afganistan, still haven't become even a semblance of a true democracy. Russia is ruled by the Old Guard and the Russian Mafia, and Afganistan is still crawling with Warlords and purported "al Qeida". Any way, on to my own life. I'm both excited and ambivalent towards the idea of going to the Sadie Hawkins dance with Becca. I don't really know her that well and i'm terribly afraid that i'm gonna get stuck with her friends for brief periods of time, something i really would dispise. But i'll have fun anyway, friends or no. Finally, i went to the development office today to tell them not to order a cap or gown for me for graduation. When i told the lady, she just looked at me, her mind whiring away behind her eyes, unable to comprehend that someone wouldn't want "to walk". She said that she didn't think it was possible. Finally, she said that it would be alright for now, she guesses, if i don't order the cap and gown. Oh well:) "It's not the honors and not the titles and not the power that is of ultimate importance. It's what resides inside." "It's not the honors and not the titles and not the power that is of ultimate importance. It's what resides inside."
/the dark cow of mystery\ Just another wasted day in a wasted life. Sitting through Physics and Advanced Math, arguing over the subtle rules of Axis and Allies, reading about Vonnegut during Writing, and finally showing how weak i am in Weight Training. Argh!. I don't see the use any more. Most of my classes are for shyt, and those that aren't have become tedious and maddening. I hate age and time. Each gives an oppurtunity to grow, but they also each give an oppurtunity to look back at past mistakes and to watch those action's ripple towards the future. I have become what i hate. Bitter and unyielding. But all is not lost. Yesterday, i made an illicit coffee run, telling my parents that i was going to the library, and ending up at Annika's house for a short span. She seems to be doing well, though she is a girl off masks, and supposedly being 'evaluated' mentally. Her life is a hectic one. A beach bum father, a cheerleader mother, and an ancient white cat. I don't think i could handle it, the cat i mean. I can barely handle a youthful cat. So it goes... Last week i got 'Lai'-ed. Becca Lingo(her real name) asked me to the Sadie Hawkins Dance. Oh i feel special. The theme for the dance is Hawaiian (though i doubt that there will be many topless women or men in 'skirts') and i guess i'll have fun(it's easy to entertain the simpleminded). Oh well, more to come...
/the dark cow of mystery\ Quickly cruising through the dark night.
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