| the dark cow of mystery
1st, before you look at the timestamp, please realise that i have indeed had ten hours of sleep in the last twenty four hours. My father and i came to an understanding on sunday morning. IN introduction, i sleep all over my house. Often in my bed, sometimes in the living room, once in a great while curled in a ball under a desk, and on occasion in the basement on the foldingbed/couch(though i've only actually used the bed feature once). He sneered loudly at my being downstairs and not in my bed(it was loud enough to be heard in the basement from upstairs). He came down to see if i had "made a mess". I yelled at him that not every thing i do is a challenge to him, which is honest, and he snareled off to the garage. Later, he apologized for being cranky. score one for the home team. In less important news, Anny asked me to be makeout buddies last monday(th last monday before christmas)and i straddled the answers with maybe's, perhaps-es, and probablies. The next day, i hung out with Kent(mr. Juan Diego) and Lisa Q.. We went to see the movie "signs" at the dollar theater(it seems a sad thing when it's cheaper to see a movie at a theater than to rent the dvd or even the DVD). After we drove the twenty or so miles to THE PIE, a fine pizza place just east of the U of U. Good food. While there, i asked my for my friends opinions on the subject of "makeout buddies". I had already decided against it, but i needed a strong argument against it, so i asked my dear friends, and they gave me one. Two days later, i announced to Anny that it was a silly idea, and she agreed. She had come to that opinion alone, while i need help from a commitee. This makes me feel silly. Silly and bald. I don't understand why i makes me feel bald, but it does.
I know the problem with communism. I've seen the flaw in the masterpiece and i will show it. Communism requires a purge of society's corruption, but corruption is the most pervasive of dirts and requires a full time janitor. This janitor, sometimes a committee, sometimes a single mortal, must hold all the keys to all the locks, and must clean every toilet, wash every wall, and must do all of this with out dirtying himself. It just can't be done. I you kill a corrupt man for simply being corrupt, you become corrupt, and must destroy yourself. If you choose not to sanitize yourself, then you become the more corrupt. If you choose to show mercy to the old, or the young, you will again corrupt yourself by not doing your full duty. It's a vicious circle. frag communism. Now that i've driven away all you out there, i need to explain why i'm a hype whore: Oh, and i've been driving on an expired learners permit for a month and a half without knowing it. hhahahaha.
I am the antichrist. I am the darkness that prevades america. I am the future. I am your fear. I am your wonder at the future. I am your cowardice towards change. I am your love. I am your hate. I am the blank lines in the ledger of the future. I am one. I am nothing. I am Everything. I need noone. I need the World. I am the critical and unblinking eye of the future focused on the past. And so the earth spins for the nth time in its concentric orbit around a small star in a medium sized galaxy in a forgotten pocket of a one-sizes-fits-all universe.
So Last night was the winter's dance. I obtained a date(it was girls choice, so i can't really say that i asked), and then it fell through. She changed dinner plans, and i ended up at chuck-e-cheeses twice looking for her. I ended up going alone, though later i found a date of sorts. On the magical rating of dances, this on scored rather low(highest bing my one and only prom, follow by the second halloween). It was really disappointing. Every song that was played was played at the last dance, save two "acdc" songs that you can't dance to(though i, with my magical powers of dry heave, could have, but i chose not to because i must use my powers for good, not evil). It was fun, though, and there was much lude flirting with women i'd never even think about doing anything with(sexual or otherwise). I got a ride home with Rae Yumul, and had a good conversation about the insanity of slow dancing. I've decided that i'm a hype-whore. more on this later.
Apparently Mr Lieberman and Mr Gore are "looking into running" in the next presidential race. I just want you all to know that if either of these two run, i'm voting third party. Joe Lieberman is a conservative stick in the mud who believes Marylin Manson is Evil. Well, how about Korn or the dead kennedys or tool? You don't see poor Joe prattling off at nirvana fans. As for Gore, he hid from vietnam with help from daddy and has a sphycho bitch who believed(probably even still does) that Jello Biafra is Satan's good buddy. These are really lame reasons not to vote for someone, but look at the possible candidates for the next election.
"a cosmic connection with someone, somewhere" -Concrete Blonde I was about to say something, but you interupted. You had eyes alight and you're heart was dancing. I could see you were excited, though it would have been obvious to a blind, deaf, nearly dead cat. I think i like you. I'm told you like me, but then again, i'm told you don't. Who should i listen to? Should i throw caution to the wind and play a gambit, or sit like a cup of tea on a saucer waiting to be drunk? Sometimes I think that my ponderings drive me astray, and sometimes i think my friends drive my thoughts away. I don't know. You always wonder what i wonder behind my dark brown window shades. You're the only one who seems to even care about the movement of the gears. Do i love you, or do i feel connected to you as simply a fellow wonderer, simply as a fellow watcher, or as simply a force of nature, without bounds. You confuse me, like all of your sort do. Damn you. I'm not sure how much of my confusion is based upon the hype of close friends or of my own imagination. Anny, beloved Anny, cursed Anny, tells me of a crush of epic stylings, but Jen, of the athletic thighs, tells me that i'm not even in the top half of the gene pool. I trust them both, as both my friends and as beasts of Gossip, but there stories are conflicted, and my other sources are muddied. oh well, we'll see what develops. "i like coconuts, you can break them open and they smell like ladies lyin' in the sun" -Widespread Panic
What's up all you hepcats? Yesterday my friend Leeza went in for surgery on her toe. On thanksgiving, my often frustrating friend Mandy is set to have throat surgery. According to rumours around school, i'm dating both of these people. Is there a connection? Do i drive my apparent loves to the arms of trained surgeons?
"your voice is soothing, but your words aren't clear." The Wallflowers I love this song. It's got that bluegrass twang that makes one think of that scene from the "Deliverance", while the bouncy words dance around like creatures in a fairy's ring. I honestly don't know why i'm writing this, but i am. I went to a church craft fair over the weekend and found an amusing mound of flesh. In front of a quilters booth sat a big man. Across his chest sat his crossed arms on his head was a large stetson. His name was Bill, or at least that's what the massive buckle holding his belt which streched around his ample girth said. This would not have been terribly unusual or entertaining normaly, but the expressions this man was making struck me as impressive. His obvious disdain for his calling was apparent. His expression was like a boy recieving an unwanted shot. An expression of perfect horror hidden under a false mask of courage. This man was obviously no soldier. His build was like that of a Ford Navigator, big and spacious, but not designed for off road use. Lately i've been acting increasingly grouchy and bigoted. i think the cause is my lack of satisfaction in life right now. I don't feel that i've been doing everything for my fellow humans that i should be and i feel as if i am powerless. I don't like feeling this way. I feel so unused, like an old toy. I know i could do more, but i don't. I just read and sleep. That's been my life of late. Reading and sleeping. I haven't even been enjoying most of what i've read. "Slaughter House Five" made me feel small, and without time, and Michael Moore's "Downsize This" just wasn't funny. "You wrote 'i love you', I wrote 'me too'" The Vapors
The first matter of conversation is this: SONGS ABOUT SEX SHOULD NEVER BE SAD. I say this because i've been listening to the Apoptygma Berzerk song, "kathy's song", which is a really pretty love song, which's depressing as hell. It's like salt to the eyes, it is. This is exaxtly why i hate emo and all of the sickly sweet sadness that it embodies. Yes i cry to emo(that's right, i cry for emo songs(and if you tell anyone, i'll kill you( yes, this is a threat(and a very ineffective one, too:)/) and i hate the loss of control. Damnit, my fluids are mine, not the hankys. I do highly recomend the song, however, so you better go get it. I think that was also the last topic for tonight, so toodles.(ps Katy, nothing's random)
"you read between the lines and know me better than I do"-Apoptygma Berzerk I'm not at peace at the moment. My head is spinning, i'm horny, and i think i'm getting the flu. Why do i have to be sick? It's just not fair. My friends all seem to know me better than myself. Mandy speaks about how "we" don't feel homework is important, annie says that i hate everyone whose even touched drugs, jon knows exactly what bands i just love, and i didn't even know i had an opinion on most of these topics. Why do they feel that they all have the right to speak for me? They don't even know my favorite bands, save of course pre-Travis Blink 182(go back to the damn aquabats you corprate shitlicker). They don't know that i have an intense fear of people with green eyes and black hair or that i'm not catholic.
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